Can't Sleep
It's past midnight and I'm far from dozing off. Don't really know why. Maybe it was a bad idea to check my mail after watching TV, since I end up surfing and keeping my mind working like an energizer bunny. A lot of thoughts running through my head, like rush hour traffic on a nasty freeway. Random thoughts, silly thoughts. Thoughts that keep popping in your head. Well, I might as well post it in my blog.
Okay, so here's a thought. I just can't wait. Back in college I couldn't wait to get a job. When I started working in the Philippines, I couldn't wait to take a vacation. Can't wait to drive, can't wait to move out, can't wait to leave for the US, can't wait to be with my folks, can't wait to get back into the salt mines (I can't believe i actually said that!). I can't wait. It's like each time I'm in the moment I have been aching to be in, I suddenly feel the urge to be in the next chapter of my life.
And then I suddenly realized how time flies and I somehow missed the best parts of my life. You look back and wished you could do it one more time - just like how the Pinoys say it, "this time with feelings." I should have savored each moment, each chapter, because it'll happen only once, and you'll be left with just a memory.
Don't get me wrong, I truly enjoyed my college days - but maybe it would have definitely been better if I was busy living the life than wishing and worrying if I'd ever get a job. Because it happens only once. You only have one shot of being a college kid, and it's either you make it worth the reruns in your mind, or not having anything worth remembering.
I do have a lot of fond memories of college. Fond memories of my first job, vacations, etcetera etcetera. But half of the memories were also filled with a lot of worries.
So here's my therapy. I'm trying to stop and smell the flowers. Savor each day I'm hanging out with my folks, each time I get the chance to go out and just be mindless. Because I'm off to another chapter again pretty soon, so might as well make the most out of it.
So I'm trying to be patient, and wait. Not just wait, but actually enjoying the waiting period. And maybe someday patience will become my ultimate virtue.
Okay, so here's a thought. I just can't wait. Back in college I couldn't wait to get a job. When I started working in the Philippines, I couldn't wait to take a vacation. Can't wait to drive, can't wait to move out, can't wait to leave for the US, can't wait to be with my folks, can't wait to get back into the salt mines (I can't believe i actually said that!). I can't wait. It's like each time I'm in the moment I have been aching to be in, I suddenly feel the urge to be in the next chapter of my life.
And then I suddenly realized how time flies and I somehow missed the best parts of my life. You look back and wished you could do it one more time - just like how the Pinoys say it, "this time with feelings." I should have savored each moment, each chapter, because it'll happen only once, and you'll be left with just a memory.
Don't get me wrong, I truly enjoyed my college days - but maybe it would have definitely been better if I was busy living the life than wishing and worrying if I'd ever get a job. Because it happens only once. You only have one shot of being a college kid, and it's either you make it worth the reruns in your mind, or not having anything worth remembering.
I do have a lot of fond memories of college. Fond memories of my first job, vacations, etcetera etcetera. But half of the memories were also filled with a lot of worries.
So here's my therapy. I'm trying to stop and smell the flowers. Savor each day I'm hanging out with my folks, each time I get the chance to go out and just be mindless. Because I'm off to another chapter again pretty soon, so might as well make the most out of it.
So I'm trying to be patient, and wait. Not just wait, but actually enjoying the waiting period. And maybe someday patience will become my ultimate virtue.
posted by annagar at 12:36 AM
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